Best (or Worst) Dad Jokes

Everyone loves a good joke. One that gives you a surprising funny zinger. The kind that you can’t wait to tell your friends. We also love our fathers. But when you put the two together, you get … ‘DAD JOKES’!!! 

When does a joke become a ‘dad joke’. When it becomes apparent!!! (Sorry, couldn’t pass that one up!!!)

We’ve all heard them, jokes your dad told that made you moan. Even worse, he would tell them to all your friends, and you cringed a little each time. 

“How much does a pirate pay for corn? A buccaneer!!”

“What do you give a sick lemon? Lemon-aid”.  

And remember, “Don’t try writing with a broken pencil. It’s pointless”. 

The truth is, deep inside, you kind of laughed, but didn’t want to admit that it was pretty funny. It is fascinating that even though there was major ‘eye-rolling’ when you heard them, you’ve told many of those same ‘groaner’ jokes to your buddies, and your children…more than once.

See how many of these you remember. There may even be a few you want to share…and get a few of those ‘eye-rolls’.

LET THE CRINGING BEGIN

A pizza and hamburger walked into a bar and ordered drinks. The bartender says, sorry, we don’t serve food here.

Why did the picture go to prison? Because it got framed.

Where do you go to learn to make ice cream? Sundae School.

I never liked facial hair, but it kind of grew on me. 

My doctor said I was going deaf. Believe me, that was hard to hear. 

I don’t trust trees. They all seem pretty shady.

Where do cows go for entertainment? To the moo-vies.

What do you call an elephant no one cares about? Irrelephant.

What do you call a priest who can fly? A bird of pray!!

How do cows get their information? From a moos-paper.

I call my printer Bob Marley because it is always Jammin’.

A boy says to his dad, ‘Please make me a sandwich’. Dad replies, ‘POOF, you are a sandwich’.

What do you call a headstone with a misspelling? A grave mistake.

What is the difference between beer nuts, and deer nuts? Beer nuts are $4.50 a pound, deer nuts are always under a buck.

I’ve never trusted stairs; they are always up to something. 

Why do leopards hate playing hide and seek? They are always spotted.

I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me. 

What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato

They call her Lilac, because she can lie like anything.

I heard about the restaurant on the moon. It has great food but no atmosphere.

What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.

What do you call someone who sees a robbery at an Apple store? An iWitness.

I lost my job at the bank. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Why are celebrities always so cool? They have a lot of fans.

Air used to be free at gas stations, now it costs $1. Now that’s inflation.

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate 9.

I couldn’t remember how to throw a boomerang. But eventually, it came back to me. 

Where do math teachers go on Vacation? Times Square.

I can tell you a joke about pizza, but it is really cheesy.

 

When did the lobster blush? When it saw the salad dressing.

I really don’t like Velcro, it’s such a rip-off.

I used to be addicted to the ‘hokey pokey’ until I got myself turned around.

I can only remember 25 letters of the alphabet. I wish I knew Y.

My dog is a genius. I asked him what is two minus two, and he said nothing!!

The pony couldn’t sing because it was a little horse.

My wife was so excited that spring is here, that she wet her plants. 

I was going to tell you a joke about paper, but I won’t. It’s really ‘tearable’. 

How does breakfast cereal pay its bills? With Chex.

I get so mad when my wife says age is only a number. Clearly, age is a word!!

Why are spiders so smart? They can find everything on the web.

When two vegetarians are arguing is it still called a beef?

Ghosts are bad liars, because you can see right through them. 

Why do skeletons hate trick or treating? They have ‘no body’ to go with. 

I am reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

What do you call a bear with no ears?  'B'.

The invisible man turned down the job offer. He just couldn’t see himself doing it.

You have to admit, there are quite a few little ‘gems’ in this list. Try springing some of these on your unsuspecting family/friends. They may give out a sigh, a moan, or maybe the dreaded ‘eye-roll’, but you know they will use these themselves. 

OH...Did you hear the one about the guy who...